Melancholy
by FerretScar
Summary: He had lost valuable people because of the war, because of Voldemort, because of the Prophecy, because of his existence."


Title: Melancholy  
Author: ferretscar  
Rating: PG  
Pairings: Pencil/Sharpener; of course it's Harry/Draco  
Category: Angst, AU  
Spoilers: all the books!  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter but this is my story.  
Archive: Here and LJ Fiction (if you want to archive this, please ask)  
Word Count: 2,324  
Summary: _He had lost valuable people because of the war, because of Voldemort, because of the Prophecy, because of his existence._  
Comments: This is for the To me, you are perfect challenge that dorkcore is hosting in the thelemontree. I don't really have a title for this. I thought Melancholy was a cool word. :p It's a bit OC, so, pardon it. It has not been betaed, so if my grammar or spelling is bad, again, pardon it. I'm willing to have it betaed though, just let me know. Also, comments would be great. But not the bad ones. I had a hard time writing this. I think it's the lack of slashness in me. I need to start reading slash again. But enough venting... Enjoy reading!

I know, I'm such a loser... :(

_**Melancholy**_

As autumn said goodbye and hello was received from winter, a lone boy, who was walking on the busy streets of Downtown London, gave no importance to the change of weather. Both hands were inside his jean pockets, the shivering twenty-two year old wizard was in deep thought. With his face half-exposed beneath his scarf, Harry Potter gave no significance to the people who were passing by him. He actually despised the muggles; he despised everything around him. He had lost valuable people because of the war, because of Voldemort, because of the Prophecy, because of his existence.

He loathed the wizarding world; hated the fact that he couldn't be normal. He couldn't even pass a single wizarding town without even applaud or feared. He hated the attention. He hated everything about it. He hated himself for it.

Before he became bitter and cold about the world around him, in some point when he was in his last month in Hogwarts, he found himself thinking about what would become of him. He became more resolute about his being. He persuaded the Members of the Order to take their mission seriously. He dominated the Members, closer to his age, to always follow his lead. He became obsessed about the whole war with the Dark side.

One night, after the Order meeting was dismissed, he went straight to the lake and began practicing the 'Avada Kedavra' curse under his breath. The hype of the meeting was so intense that he felt the energy inside him; the itching power to kill. He wanted to finish Voldemort once and for all, and no one could stop him. He had pushed people too far to take their assignments seriously, even though he knew it was risky for some. He had to make them or the plan wouldn't work.

He had been practicing ever since he became addicted to the mission. He wanted to be ready; he wanted to be prepared. He didn't want to happen what occurred to him before when he faced Voldemort. He felt more obsessed with the idea of killing Voldemort more than ever.

As he gazed up at the moon, on a breezy summer night, he felt a presence near him.

"Ron," he sighed, knowing it was his best friend who always turned up at the wrong place and the wrong time. "I'm practicing. I just want to be left alone."

No one answered him.

He sighed again and turned his attention to the said presence. He knew that if it wasn't Ron standing there, it would be him.

And he was right.

Draco Malfoy, with his Headboy badge and white-like blonde hair, glinting against the moonlight, was standing a few meters away, and looking dead straight at him.

Harry grunted. "Not now, Draco." He turned his back away and began to pace again. He didn't want to confer with Draco. He didn't want to be bothered at all. He was the last person he wanted to see at this moment.

For a moment, Harry thought Draco left because there was complete silence, until he heard footsteps coming towards him.

"I said leave me alone!" he shouted, focusing his attention at him. With his quick reflexes, he pulled out his wand and pointed it at Draco.

Harry found himself surprised with the sudden violent reaction in him. He shouldn't be acting like this. He had made Draco take his assignment when Draco profusely rejected it.

Draco arched an eyebrow and smirked at Harry as he continued to walk towards him, not caring that he could be the receiving end of the Avada Kedavra curse that Harry was muttering a minute ago.

"I'm warning you, Draco," he whispered. "Don't give me a reason to hurt you," he cried.

As if he had heard nothing, Draco continued to walk towards him and closed the space between them. Harry struggled to be released but he was weakened by Draco's warmth and strength.

Harry faltered in his arms. He knew he needed this. He knew that he had to be calmed down, and no person would know how to calm him down except Draco.

He dropped his wand and wrapped both arms around Draco. Then suddenly, he began to cry.

"Shhh..." Draco whispered. "I'm here, Harry. Shh, it's going to be okay."

"I'm sorry, Draco," Harry cried in between sobs. "I'm so sorry if I forced you."

"Don't be, Harry." He kissed his head. "And you didn't force me. No." He straightened up and looked at Harry's glinting green eyes. "You didn't force me, okay?"

Harry dove his head on his shoulder as Draco continued to speak.

"No matter what the outcome of the war, I will be with you." He smoothened Harry's wild, untangled hair. "I will find you, Harry. We will end and win this."

"Draco," Harry whispered as he raised his head and looked at his eyes, "I don't know how you keep up with me."

"It's hard, yes." Draco grinned. "But I'm getting used to it."

Harry gave a soft laugh and kissed him.

* * *

As his memory from the past slowly faded, he found himself standing in front of an old church. He needed to vent out his emotions. He couldn't handle the fact that all of his friends were gone. Well, not all of them. Hermione was still there, and Neville, and a few of his Hogwarts friends. But they don't really matter to him, because Draco Malfoy was gone.

While Harry was at the eve of the war, Remus Lupin had word that Draco's mission failed. He immediately told this to Harry after he had defeated Voldemort. Of course, even though they had won the war, he felt he lost the world.

Draco, although he had no idea about it, was the reason why Harry kept on fighting. He built his strength and passion from him. He was his sole purpose to live, to win, so they can be together once more.

Draco's mission was to be their eyes at Voldemort side. He had agreed with Harry that he would accept the mission because he had said so, but forced was more like it. Everyone knew that it was risky since their relationship had spread out. Draco's family went straight to Hogwarts the moment they found out. But since Draco and Harry were deeply in love with each other, Draco turned away from his family.

His mission was to pretend that he chose the wrong side and would be willing to become a Death Eater, or even part of the Dark side. Draco didn't want to be their eyes because when Voldemort found out about Snape, he was killed instantly.

Yet, Harry assured him that his mission would not fail. He assured him that they would win. Draco knew that he was asking suicide, but for Harry's sake, and the fact that he didn't want to offend Harry, he accepted the mission against his will.

Harry began to walk upstairs towards the church. He pushed the door open and saw a young priest sitting at the first pew. He gave respect to the figures around the church and walked towards the priest.

The priest was sitting silently and reading a book. Harry figured it might be some holy book that they use for service. Harry sat quietly as the priest invited him to sit beside him.

"You look lost, young lad," the priest said to him softly. He closed the book and looked at Harry.

"Sir, I- I was wondering if you can help me," he whispered.

He placed his hand on Harry's shoulder. "I will do, in the name of our lord God, the grace that he placed upon me, the assistance you need." He smiled.

Then Harry began to cry.

Harry cried and no one could stop him from crying. The priest just let him cry, as he rested his hand on Harry's shoulder for comfort.

"The only person that mattered to me is gone," he whispered. "I have none left in this world to go on living. I feel lost and I don't know what to do."

"Why is he gone?" the priest asked politely.

"I lost him because of my greediness." He shouted while his head was still lowered. "My wrath that no one could understand. My selfishness that I needed to win this battle. My pride that I could bring victory in our world. My stubbornness that I could do anything that I want!"

As those words echoed slowly faded in the church, Harry straightened up and looked at the priest. He slowly became aware that the place was empty except for the two of them. He calmed himself and continued talking.

"I pushed him too much, even though I knew he was going to fail. I persuaded a lot of people because of my selfishness. Lied to them just to make them do what I thought was best for them." He lowered his head again. "But it was too late for me to realize that the only person that mattered to me is gone," he whispered. "Because I pushed him so much that I didn't even realize that I'm going to lose him."

"My son," the priest said softly. "The trials we have in life are never ending. But we should not give up on hope. We should be strong for what's ahead. We grow from our mistakes in the past. We learn from it and it will stick in us. Let this person, the one you said that mattered to you most, be the inspiration in your life. People come and go, and we don't know why they were placed in our lives, but we should never forget what they taught us, what we learned from them, and value the gift that they left in our hearts. Let that be the light in your dark thoughts, my son. And from that, you will learn to live again."

Harry looked at the priest. He knew that the priest had no idea who he was but yet, how could he have said the right words. The right words that he needed to hear. No one in his life was that positive. But he also knew that he was right. Draco was his inspiration. Even though he had joined the Dark side, he was his light and no one can change that.

"Sir?" Harry asked.

"Yes, my son."

"Thank you." He smiled weakly.

"Be at peace, my son. Be at peace."

Harry slightly bowed at him, as a sign of respect, and quietly walked towards the exit. He looked at the young priest again, and saw that he was still sitting at the first pew, reading the holy book.

As he opened the exit door, he felt refreshed. He knew he had to go on living. He had to live for Draco. He owed him so much to himself that he promised he would do anything to get Draco back.

As the breeze hit his face, he noticed a skinny figure was standing from a distance. Since it was bright outside and dark in the church, he became slightly blinded and couldn't tell who was standing there.

He walked towards the person and it hit him that he had white-like blonde hair.

"D- Draco?" he stuttered. He was shocked to see him. Dressed in rags and his body was thin-pale, like he hasn't eaten in ages.

"Had a confession, Harry?" he asked sarcastically.

Harry was too shocked to reply. He couldn't even blurt out any comebacks.

Draco slowly limped towards him. All Harry could do was to stare at him. His brain was telling him to help him but he couldn't move! He was really stunned.

"How are you, Harry?" he asked as he stood in front of Harry. When Harry didn't reply any word, he continued. "I wanted to know how in the world you came to this place." He raised an eyebrow.

"I was just passing by," he murmured.

"I see," Draco said as he looked at Harry. "Do you want to know what am I doing here or are you just going to continue to stare at me like old times?" He smirked.

Harry looked away. "Why are you here then?"

Draco sighed. "I came to this place when I failed the mission. I had escaped when they were about to execute me." He looked at the church. "I came in running towards a young priest and asked for shelter. I didn't know where to go so I thought it would be safe to hide in a muggle church." He looked at Harry, who was now looking at him. "I had to ask forgiveness because I failed you."

Harry slightly shifted his feet. He didn't know why he was feeling so awkward. "You didn't fail me, Draco," he whispered as he lowered his head. "You are perfect to me."

"What's that?" Draco asked. "For a moment, I thought I heard Weasel saying sweet shit to Granger."

Harry raised his head and before he could say another word, Draco placed his index finger at Harry's lips to stop him. "No Harry. To me, you are perfect."

Harry felt the iciness of Draco's finger but the fact that it was Draco's touch, he felt warm inside. He slowly touched Draco's finger and had it traced his face outline.

"I still can't believe I've found you, Draco," he whispered. "I thought I've lost you."

Draco stepped closer. "You will never lose me, Harry," he murmured on Harry's cheeks. "We might be physically away from each other, but our hearts will always bring us back."

Harry looked at Draco and placed both of his hands on his face. Draco's face, as Harry could tell, was cold and enjoying the moment.

Harry grinned and said, "Someone likes the sweet shit, huh?"

But before Draco could say any remark, Harry placed his lips onto his and wrapped his arms around him.

_**THE END**_


End file.
